The other evening I was getting some gas when a middle aged man asked me if I could help him get something to eat inside the convenience store. I was in a rush, it was raining, I felt a little intimidated by his presence and so I quickly said I didn’t have any change, not the answer to his question, and shut my door. As I pulled away I felt a pang of guilt. What I have is not mine, and I believe that when someone is in need you help them, even if it means things’ll be tighter for me. I’m not worried about starving, I’m not going to end up sleeping on the street any time soon, if it really came down to it I could go a little hungry, and you know what? My friends would take care of me. The way they always have.
There are certain ways in my life that it is easy to act from a place of abundance, and there are other places where I’m realizing that I’m still operating from a perspective of scarcity, or at least where I’m more prone to fall back on acting from scarcity. I have fed a few homeless people, offered beverages to the sellers of street spirit, and stopped to talk with plenty of those who find themselves sans safety net. But for some reason when that man came up to me to request some help what ran through my mind was my bank account, the things I want to do in the future, being prudent with my money, etc. Put more simply what I acted out was the belief that I didn’t have enough to help him and do the things that I want and need to do.
The problem is that this way of acting insidiously reinforces the idea that there is only so much to go around, that it’s either him or me, that I have to “make” things happen in my life rather than letting spirit provide for me and him in my endeavors. I don’t want to live like that. When things are important to me, and serve a higher good, the road there is paved. I don’t have to do all of the work; miracles happen to get me there. Nothing short of magic has moved in my life; I don’t need to worry about having enough or being able to go serve the grandmothers in Alaska, or learn about Rites of Passage so I can help others find their belonging. If I’m meant to do those things, and I put my clear intention out to offer myself in service, they happen. They orchestrate themselves.
Even though I think of myself as a person who cares about all people, and who takes concrete action to act from that place, I have found that just as often I don’t take the time with situations like this. So I’m thinking that I’m going to try and be more consistent in acting from my sense of abundance. I think in the moments where it doesn’t come naturally it is all the more profound and transformative to do it, for both parties, and I need that transformation just as much. To step fully into my belief in abundance is such an enticing thought that I’m feeling more energy freed up to flow freely as I write this.
When the next hungry human being asks me to remember what it’s like to not be provided for, and to remember our oneness, I think I’m going to try and treat it like the sacred moment it is. To stop what I’m doing and be in a moment where we fit together like puzzle pieces, one of us with need and the other with always enough to share. To offer attention, dignity, food, and radiant love is just as much a gift to myself; as I honor the path of the human in front of me, I honor my own too. We lift the veil from between us that keeps us believing in our separation and difference.