this night’s prayer

With sincere love, and some humorously course gospel singing as accompaniment to this embarrassingly open, pitiful, and deeply reverent post, please laugh. Love Dashielle

To this world with love:

Tonight I am creating a ceremony in my home with the tools and techniques that were taught and passed to me in my ministerial training. In the ways that I was taught every word, every action, and every step is a prayer; yet we pray all the same to be clear with creator and with the spirits of our ancestors about our intentions, our fears, and about where we need help. This is important because it shows creator that we’re serious, but it also deepens our own sense of intention and it directs our own energy. This is part of what ceremony is about as well which is why prayer is a natural though not necessary part of ceremony. I’ll clear the space with sage and then create ceremony to bring focused energy and intention to my purpose. I’ll also use cedar to atone for and cleanse any potential harm I’ve done or offense I’ve given- for example by sharing this ceremony with my community. While I use sage at the beginning to clear myself and the space, cedar is usually used at any time during ceremony to clear mistakes or misspeaking. I’ll also use sweetgrass because it is soothing and comforting and some of what I’m hoping to bring attention to are painful experiences. Don’t use sweetgrass if you’re menstruating, or at least have someone else light it for you as it’s considered a masculine energy. Tonight my purpose is to bring myself and creator into conversation about what is going on in my life right now, particularly some of the most exciting work opportunities I’ve ever had as well as some of the most painful relationship challenges I’ve ever experienced.

Mother Father Creator- It seems I’m being guided to help be a part of the creation of a different kind of rite of passage, one that can bring healing in a more holistic way to a community by extending the circle of participation back out to the community rather than just the initiates. The challenges of doing this in a culture that does not truly value rites of passage, in a place where the community is suffering from the wounds of lost male community members, in a country and civilization that does not yet promise reciprocity for good deeds done, the challenges are many, and more complicated than what I’ve stated here. Even from those who believe in it there is doubt that something as integrated as what I sense is called for could be viable.

Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between questions about the viability of the vision and my sense that perhaps it is me that a skeptic doubts. My sense of vulnerability from recent painful losses bleeds in to this and I find myself breathing into focusing on not defending, not defending, just another step forward. No energy towards reaction, only energy towards trial and error moving forward. Here I find myself coming towards some clarity on my first need; an ally who sees, understands, and believes in the integrity of this idea. Hard is nothing, be with me in this moment to create in reality what needs to be. I need a friend.

Creator I want to thank you for the opportunity I’ve been given in the form of new community and a new set of working partners to bring forth not only what wants to emerge in the world, but to grow me in the ways I need to be grown to serve better. When I go into meditation tonight I’m going to listen with all my heart and open up my body to hear. I’m going to listen better. I’m going to listen better.

Creator, you know how I love this world… the thought of it now brings me to tears. I need to express my gratitude. I want to thank you for the beautiful letters from people that let me know that there was heart energy in the words. I want to thank you for helping me with such abundance and with opportunities to share that abundance with my brothers and sisters here. I want to thank you for the people I love in my life, for family and friends, for my spirit family with the center and the hummingbirds, for challenges, for all of my life, for Amy, for Grandpa John, for Bill Borton, for Rudy, for all of my ancestors watching for me, for my spirit guides who are helping guide me, and for all the future carriers of spirit to create beauty and celebrate.

Creator I’m having a hard time today, and I feel silly bringing this to you in this way, but I just don’t know what to do and I need to give it up. I’m at peace with Amy being gone, though I miss her, and I’m at peace with the challenges in front of me with this work I came here to do. But I don’t know how to let go of a friend I’ve always thought would be a best friend for life. I don’t know how to be at peace with the distance between us. I’ve known her since I was born and it’s hard to feel like she doesn’t want to keep that love alive. I feel like I’ve done what I could, and maybe that isn’t true, but if it is please help me find peace with this.

Creator, sometimes I wonder if there is a piece of this I need to experience for longer to understand something that will help me minister to others, or that will help me with the work that I am now engaged in. If that is true I suppose I ought just suffer it with a smile and be uncomfortable as long as need be. Without a definitive answer at hand I suppose that’s the tack to take!

Creator, tonight I want to say that as long as the energy flows forward, and even after that, I will follow this vision. I want to aver to you that I am committed to community, to healing, and to helping to bring forward the new ways we need. My heart longs not for a perfect world, but merely to see more seeds of a loving community vision taking root in the areas and with the populations that need it most. I know this is me too, I’m one of those who need it most. I’m hungry to see the power of these places and all of us people activated, and actively turning the darkness here into light.

Creator…I have a fear of judgment, of failure, and of alienation because of my beliefs. I want to lay those things down as well, as an offering. Each time I step through the specter of one of these fears it will be in faith as an offer of self. I want to offer this with the humility of knowing that as the risks get larger these offerings will mean more, but that now I have yet to prove my commitment and perseverance for those offerings to mean too much. I won’t speak to that as only these next months and years can testify to what this commitment is made of. I think that’s beautiful in itself actually. The challenge of my life, and an initiation.

I have offered ceremony free as a gift to the community recently and I will find other ways to offer that. Creator I want to thank you, and I want to play a gospel song for you by Rev James Cleveland and then go to meditate into these words for an hour.

“Please be patient with me,
God is not through with me yet.

Please be patient with me,
God is not through with me yet.

When God gets through with me,
when God gets through with me,
I shall come forth,
I shall come forth like pure gold.

If you should see me and I’m not walking right,
and if you should hear me and I’m not talking right;
please remember what God has done for me,
when He gets through with me,
I’ll be what He wants me to be.”

This is my prayer to share with my community, to put these intentions out clearly. Creator, you just keep pounding away at me, I can do it. Friends and family, all my loved ones, please, be patient with me.

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