I walk the purple outlines of darkened ridges

The road wanders into other dimensions these days, wandering and jumping through a pattern being woven. I feel… but have no ability to see…. I feel the pulse of my heart, it calls me to something, I act, my path changes,  and then I have no idea, I never land where I think it might be…I’m getting better about not making plans, but the time and scale keeps shifting… yet I do feel like I’m being led, always forward, winding, with mystery and love by my side….

I could break words into glass dust and create new ones in the fire these days, it just seems there’s no words that approach how it is to have deep loves lighting the globe, people met in profound moments, love forged in lifetimes or minutes… you all, each one, who are moments of comfort and utter peace to me when the road is lonely, or at least when it must be traveled without embodied companionship… there is always companionship; my loves, past, present and future-these are the blessed stars in the sky that pierce my spirit so it can be filled with heartbreaking, gut-wrenching gratitude and humility…

I feel it more as I say it… I see us walking together in moments in other times and other universes, down quiet paths and in busy cities, in times of great human struggle, and moments of great peace, again under night air with music on our lips and in our bodies, our spirits full of all of the love we could or could not show in the moments we shared together.

This miracle! This miracle!

This morning I had to chase vicious dogs out of our yard, and sit with a chicken as it breathed with difficulty, we had to kill that poor little bird with it’s eyes wondering what had happened to it’s now immobilized body. The death pervaded my day with a finality…yet a sparkling quality too, the blood from the neck spilled onto the new land that the garden will be planted on, the body kicked and released it’s last spirit into that hazy ambiguous morning. Some sacrifice for new life, new beginnings maybe…

little Gael walks up to me with a dandelion while I stand where the chicken was sent to join all the other martyred chickens and Gael tells me to make a wish. When I blow only a few of the seeds fly up, ha ha! I guess I don’t get my wish… I didn’t make one anyway. My wish is inside the young soft hand that held that dandelion, my wish is to never stop longing for unknowing, to never stop breaking open, not enlightenment, just to be here in this bloody, broken, perfect, joy-filled laughter of an existence and to love, to love, to love with all my brothers and sisters through time.

Transcendence, dissolution, self-transparency, what’s left of me in this moment is a veiled glass…peering through that I feel in only the will to follow where I’m called to go…breaking commitments, crossing lines, letting go quickly and finally, but always loving everything I’ve touched, everything I’ve held, everything that was a piece of whatever this is, this navigation between self and union, this life of terrifying, resplendent mystery…

I walk the purple outlines of darkened ridges in photos of the places I’ve been, dissolved in the landscape of no time and no being, inside the moo of a cow and the imperceptible tilt of a corn stalk in a wind long blown away, the startling sun light through the vapor clouds breathed upwards by yesterday’s warmth, in the future my body lightens into clouds of color, all sound, no sound, the all-encompassing embrace of all possibility beyond understanding

Today I read the words of loved ones from around the world, congratulations on the steps in the path of a minister, what a profound sense came over me, a feeling of being consumed by this world, being subsumed by it, closer and closer to indistinguishable from this world I love so…

A man said, I am not a human trying to save a tree, I am a part of the rain-forest trying to save itself. That’s what we are, we are parts of this world trying to save itself, hungering to thrive, loving to live, running the tide…

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