all the splendor, doubt and fearlessness…

We don’t live forever, just in this moment. So deeply meaningful, and yet meaningless. I keep saying I want partnership, I so long to be seen by someone, to share my life with someone, to offer my own love and deep support to someone…it is so painfully and beautifully humbling to strive for the kind of patience in which life maintains its lively light beauty and in which I can hold space for the desire in me for more.

Sometimes I feel greedy to want more, I fear it implies I’m not satisfied with all of the infinite gifts showered on me in every moment. I have to believe that both can be possible; that I can feel so truly grateful for what I have, and even for what I don’t have, and yet so deeply want to share an intimate love with someone…

Part of me has this fearful doubt that my path is destined to be one I walk “alone,” though with all the friends and love in my life, I am never really alone. I don’t know about that.

I walk these circles…asking for patience and courage, feeling so deeply in love with life, my life, life all around me blossoming and exploding with energy like fourth of July fireworks, and returning to my space …to simply plant this desire in the ground to share it with someone. I walk around the desire, the questions, do I really desire it or do I just think I desire it? Circles circles circles…back to this moment, this breath, this path, the lines I can’t change, and all the splendor, doubt and fearlessness that is here in this place…

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