Dogs are people too.

I got up early this morning because I work better in the mornings than I do at night. It is also the time of day when it is acceptable to drink successive cups of caffeinated beverage. Cato, the dog at the house I am sitting, also goes for walks in the morning. But I selfishly wanted to write a little before we went for a walk and find myself telling the dog how amazing the walk is going to be when we do go as he stares at me on the computer with eyes that communicate deep betrayal.

“Cato, today the walk is going to be really cool, I think you’re gonna love it.” I say nodding at him with eyebrows raised. “We’re gonna do something completely different, maybe walk longer, maybe go around in the opposite direction, it’s gonna be crazy, you’re gonna love it! Better than the other walks that I’m sure you are recalling at this very moment. Worth the wait for sure!” I say excitedly while petting his head, before turning my eyes back to the computer. He sighs. He’s uninterested in my excuses. He lays on the floor, limbs akimbo. Every 30 seconds he raises his head as though to say “My dying wish is to go for a walk now.”

You couldn’t ask for a sweeter dog, but I am not used to paying a lot of attention to animals. I work from home, I read and write for most of my time right now, and I just feel like a selfish meanie when I want some quiet time to get through something. The dog walks through the room every minute or so. Sometimes he brings me a toy to throw for him. Let me tell you, fetch is a game that actually has no winner or discernible ending, it can literally go on forever. He comes over and puts his head on the keyboard, I try and pet him with one hand and type with the other, it doesn’t improve my spelling or my time management.

So we go for our walk, as we have for the past five days. It’s funny how different our experiences are. Cato is at a wine tasting. He stops at an agapanthis, and thinks to himself  “the german shepherd from around the corner, and is that….sniff sniff…is that a hint of raccoon? I also detect notes of possum and labrador, a black one I believe…oh delicious. And what is this little delight? Ah don’t you love the morning air, the golden sun glinting off the tops of the trees and filtering down to the concrete? Incredible, is it not?”

I’m thinking “Yes, Cato. I love the morning too, but listen. You and I both know how this goes. You sniff for an interminable period of time only to once again lift your leg and feign peeing, which we also know won’t happen because you totally blew your wad when we first left the house. So lets get to it, eh?”

He’s still in the crab grass. For some reason, perhaps because animals walk all over grass, the grass seems to hold the most interest. I would like a small metal detector to hang from his collar. With the time and attention he gives to the ground, he could find some treasure for sure. This is a million dollar idea I think.

While Cato is reading smells like poetry I am experiencing a walk like one would experience a dance interpretation of a telegraph….full stop…full stop….full stop.

Then there are the cats. I fed them last night before I had to go to singing class in the city, when I got home and found them meowing loudly I was utterly confused. Also this morning, why the loud meows at 5 am? If only they could speak… What more could they possibly want? Love? hmmm…

Can you have aspbergers with animals?

I’m not that bad, I guess I just never realized how truly protective I am of my time. After feeding and walking the animals I’m ready to move on, they’re not.  I’ve outspokenly wanted a dog for the last couple years but I’m starting to think maybe that would be a terrible idea.

Cato, five more minutes, I promise! It’s going to be worth the wait, just meditate for a minute or something…

In conclusion, dogs don’t meditate or speak english, I still like dogs more than cats, but the cats are definitely way lower maintanence, and I may or may not be a terrible person for resenting appeals for affection from animals who probably just miss their mom.

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