1. Wait wait! Lemme say something. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
2. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there’s going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won’t be invited.
3. You’re just a woman with half the brain the size of ours. Its science.
4. I’m gonna shoot you in the back of the head with a bee bee gun when you’re not looking.
6. I’m in a glass case of emotion!
7. I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am.
8. I said… your hair… looks stupid.
9. What’s that? Well if you were a man, I’d punch you. Punch you right in the mouth. That’s bush. Bush league. YOU HEAR ME? AUDREY! LOOK AT ME!
10. Milk was a bad choice.
11. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it’s jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I’m not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It’s supposed to be wild.
12. I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
13. And I’m Tits… I’m Ron Burgundy.
14. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
15. Not so fast, you ingrates. Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive to kick some ass. No commercials, no mercy.
16. I’m not talking to you because you cut off my arm.
17. You know, times are changing. Ladies can do stuff now and you’re going to learn how to deal with it.
18. Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.
19. I immediately regret this decision.
21. The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show… [kisses his biceps] and see if she likes the goods.
23. Little Ham ‘n Eggs comin’ at ya, hold on people hope ya got your griddles…
24. Apparently, my son was on something called “Acid,” and was shooting a bow and arrow into a crowd.
25. Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.
Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?
Brian Fantana: I don’t remember.
Ron Burgundy: That’s not a good start, but keep going…
Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
Ron Burgundy: I’m pretty sure that’s not love.
Brian Fantana: Damn it.