Ferreting Out Dishonesties of Mind

I heard about the four agreements long before I read them and pretty quickly knew that they were truth to me. The messages intuitively felt right; 1. Be Impeccable with your word 2. Don’t take anything personally 3. Don’t make assumptions 4. Always do your best. I’ve always especially liked don’t take anything personally and don’t make assumptions, these seemed to defray the situations involving other people in my life that I used to let cause anxiety. But I really want to talk about the first agreement because I caught myself doing something this morning that was a pretty good mind trick that amounted to being dishonest with myself nearly at the expense of a what became a beautiful arrival of awareness.

Here is an excerpt from the beginning of that chapter;

“Why your word? Your word is the power that you have to create. Your word is the gift that comes directly from God. Through the word you express creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything. Regardless of what language you speak, your intent manifests through the word. What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word. Depending upon how it is used, the word can set you free, or it can enslave you even more than you know.”

So I love mornings these days and I have been waking up before my alarm with a jumpy joy and feeling of amusement and fulfillment. This morning I was looking in the mirror and I caught myself giving myself a complement, through the voice of a male that I am interested in! I imagined him telling me what I wanted to say to myself, Hey, you look good!

I laughed a little when I caught myself, and then wondered in what other ways do I avoid honestly appreciating myself by imagining that the appreciation is coming from someone else, someone else apparently by this act I am giving more credence to than myself. So I took the mask off. I feel proud of my body right now and all the work I’ve done finding healthy and sustainable ways of living.

The trick I was using is not only dishonest, because it’s just me in a disguise, but it’s also disempowering. Whose opinion do I live with? How is the quality of each of my days? Do I live to be seen in other eyes, or to truly see out of my own? Working hard to have vibrant health and a body that I feel at home in and good about is a gift I’ve been giving myself, not anybody else. While other’s may appreciate it too, I have prioritized this as a foundation for all that I do in the world. Not to be seen, but how I want to see myself. This is not to say that I don’t enjoy and value being appreciated by others, but the implication of putting those words in someone else’s mouth in my mind is that my positive opinion of self is more palatable or believable or valuable coming from another. Simply realizing that we can and do feel pride about ourselves can be a difficult step, especially for women in this culture. But maybe for everyone. I’m going to continue to look at the words that I say to myself and cultivate more honesty with the way I use my words. In the same way that I am careful to choose words with others that I care about, I really know how damaging being careless with our thoughts can be to our opinions of ourselves. When I look at myself, my accomplishments, where I’m at in life, and accept myself for who I am and what I’ve worked to be, that is so much more beautiful, and honest, than a complement from anyone else. Not because my opinion counts more than anyone else, but because only we can truly know what it took to get to where we are. What it took to arrive conscious in this life. We can work hard our whole lives at being beautiful or crafting an incredible career, but if we never enjoy where we are now, and feel we have arrived, then we accomplish nothing. Perfection, beauty, accomplishment, these are words that we give meaning to, not that have defined realities. Being impeccable with my word means using my word both with others, and in my conversations with myself, to support what I believe in. And I believe in loving myself and what I have worked for. It feels daring to say that!

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5 thoughts on “Ferreting Out Dishonesties of Mind

  1. The last few days have been so tumultuous with new activities and old obligations that I began to feel completely pushed in every direction at once and physically incapable of really engaging my mind. I saw this and tried to breathe, but I felt at the top of the roller coaster and unable to stop the ride. I read your wonderful last two posts and felt the thoughfulness of your words sink in–particularly about setting intentions for the day.

    Today, John was up and out ridiculously early for court in El Centro or someplace and I had decided I would just sleep in. But you know me, 5:30 shined in through the window and my eyes wanted to open. I argued with them for 20 minutes. The dogs came and put their chins on the bed edge and stared me into getting up. Instead of jumping on the ride again, I made tea and went out into the peaceful early garden day. Birds tweeting, butterflies floating, sun golden everywhere. I watered, nourishing plants and myself–letting myself just stand and watch water flowing.

    Now I feel my calm center and know that I won’t climb back on the ride today–just move through things and get done what must get done and not worry about the rest.

    All my love,
    Riley

    1. Hi Riley. I just logged onto my email and saw Dashielle’s invite to read her blog. I saw she had one comment (I’m sure there will soon be many more) and read what you posted. It made me miss you both and think of your home and dogs. I’m so thankful to have spent time with you and your family growing up and I always love to come back and visit. Just sitting at the kitchen counter drinking tea and chit chatting about life was always so comforting. I look forward to seeing you again soon. I love and miss you.

      1. Hi Cassie,
        Thank you so much for your comment and for your positive memories. You are one of those bright spots in my life, even if we don’t get to see you often. If I were better at Facebook… Oh well.

        One of the things I should post on Facebook is that John and I bought Edible San Diego, a magazine celebrating local, healthy food and drink. We are furiously trying to get everything up and running all at once while keeping our day jobs. if you look at the we site, don’t think I’ve had anything to do with it as yet. It’s is left over from the previous publishers. But first the magazine….. yes, we are crazy, but it’s fun.

        Hope we get to see you next time you make it out to this coast.

        love you so much. Best wishes,
        Riley

  2. Ari, thank you for your generous words, it took me awhile to let the blushing subside 🙂 Sometimes it’s hard to accept a complement that you truly value. I keep thinking to say that what you saw in me is not mine, but is what we each have inside of us waiting to have the veil pulled from in front of it. But when I say it I hope you understand that it is not an attempt at denying or self-deprecating… it is more like feeling like bowing to the sacred in life and saying it’s not mine!

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